Humorous “script” – A Gardener’s Nightmare

Fade in:
Joe and Maria Smith*, avid gardening enthusiasts, request several nursery catalogs. With great anticipation, Maria checks the mail each day, eager to order some special plants for that back corner of the garden. On the day the catalogs finally arrive, Joe and Maria discover – to their horror – that none of the catalogs is suitable. One nursery doesn’t take Maria’s Kryptonium* Card, while another restricts shipments of Joe’s favorite plant to only three states on the other side of the country! Exasperated, our hortiphilic duo is forced to renew their catalog search from scratch.
Meanwhile, back at the Lee* Family Nursery:
The Lees have been filling too many “unqualified” catalog requests. (Their unused catalog is now lining the Smiths’ bird cage.) The nursery’s bottom line doesn’t look good – designing, printing, and mailing catalogs is costly. Family-owned for five generations, the Lee Family Nursery is in peril. Will they now have to sell out to a giant multinational conglomerate?

Interview with Toni Snails*, president of Fictitious Nurseries of North America:
In fact, the “shotgun” approach to finding mail-order nurseries, such as the Smiths used, is not good for the mail-order nursery industry as a whole. Each time a consumer receives an unsatisfactory catalog, it erodes customer confidence in mail-order purchasing.

Interview with Sam Jones*, ecologist:
From an ecological point of view, unsuitable and superfluous catalogs are a serious problem. They waste paper and add to our public landfills unnecessarily. This crisis will only increase as more and more people shop by mail-order in the new millennium .

Narrator’s voice-over:
The irony is, this senseless tragedy could have been avoided. With Garden Catalog PROFILES, the gardener knows practically everything about a nursery . . . before requesting its catalog.

Fade to black.